The tidal wave of the Covid pandemic started an enormous shift in my personal relationships. I remember hearing someone in my coaching program ask us, “What do you need to lose or let go of in order to move forward?” In my case, it turned out to be a lot. I have spent the last six years reflecting on what it means to gain and lose human connections, both personally and in my role supporting people through transitions. 

Like everyone else, I had to reimagine life at home during the “shut down.” I was overwhelmed by having a full-time job, being in school, and home schooling my kids (if you can call what happened in our house “home school”.) I decided rather suddenly to let go of the job I’d had for 13 years. This decision started the tectonic shifts in my close relationships. 

I have always been inclined to develop friendships at work. We spend so much time with our colleagues; it seemed natural for me to befriend the ones that I related to. This inclination backfired when I quit and suddenly, I was an outcast. People who I spent many hours with in and out of the office for over a decade never spoke to me again. I was gob smacked. 

It was an important lesson in the cost and risk of forging close relationships at work. You cannot truly know the strength of the connection until you no longer have the tether of employment binding you together. I had to grieve the loss of my work identity while I also grieved the loss of many of my closest friends. 

We often tell ourselves stories about why things end through a lens of “heroes and villains’.” I think the reality is that everything in life, including most relationships, runs a course that includes an unforeseen ending. Sometimes the abruptness and the context of the end feel especially painful. 

I look back on that time now and am grateful that I made the choices I made, no matter how painful and surprisingly consequential they were at the time. There was no way I would have been able to build my coaching practice had I remained in the safe chaos of that job. But I tell my clients all the time, “You can’t have growth and comfort simultaneously.” And for me that notion has rung incredibly true. My friend Myrna says it a different way: “You can’t get to second base with your foot on first.”

Recently a mentor posed the question: “What are you clinging onto because it is safe, familiar and comfortable?” In my case it was hesitating to add grief transitions to my coaching services. I was not sure I was emotionally ready to hold space for this, given I only lost my mother three years ago. I wondered how much time needs to go by before one is capable of this kind of support. 

In the end I decided to move forward, and it has been so rewarding and mutually beneficial. What belief or identity are you holding onto that it may be time to let go of? 

Hit reply and let me know how you are!